I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
