i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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