to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
