I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He passed out mid-signature
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
