omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
