Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
