Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
