i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
