dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
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I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
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I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.