An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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