Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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