By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
