It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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