Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I intend to get homeless drunk
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
