If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
