Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
