how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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