its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
