i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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