how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
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We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
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yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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