I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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