Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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