Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize