my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
