from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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