Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
