I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
