who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
is it fun? or sober?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
