I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
