Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
