Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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