he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
