Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Swine flu. Run for my life!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
