She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
