Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
