And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
