I just threw up on my dentist
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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