No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
