I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
