You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
