I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
