Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I woke up under a house in Key West
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
