why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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