its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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