there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize