I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
