ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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