Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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