He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's shark week go big or go home
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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