Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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