And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
