Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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