Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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