And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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