I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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