I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
well you can't waste a boner
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
