He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
