I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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