Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You are a genius and a whore.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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