Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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