I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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