you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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