ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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