My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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