Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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