She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
